The Father's Love From All Around

Of the Father's Love Begotten
Ere the worlds began to be,
He is Alpha and Omega,
He the source, the ending He,
Of the things that re, that have been,
And the future years shall see
Evermore and evermore.

Parts of this verse ran through my head over and over yesterday morning, and again this morning as I sat next to John's bed watching the sun lighten the sky and holding his little warm hand and running my finger through his curls.

Today the transplant coordinator came by and told us that she thought the worst day of her life was the Tuesday that she sat with us through surgery to see if they could save John's life and yesterday topped it. She also asked us just how many lives this child had, as they were all convinced that he was gone yesterday.

Perspective is a weird thing, right in the middle of the moment it is hard to see, to remember other things and times. As we sat yesterday with the knowledge that John's brain was okay but that the chances of saving him in surgery was slim it felt like my brain was frozen inside. Earlier I had been able to remember the Kryie, even the Lord's Prayer and the Apostle's Creed floated through my head from time to time. But as I sat here in this very chair with the mixed emotions of being thankful that his brain was okay and knowing that they didn't hold out much hope to save him in surgery and the visions of blood flowing out of his mouth and nose through the night and the look of terror that he had when it started and before they turned up both the sedation and put the paralytic back on, my own mind was frozen stiff.

Pastor Porath came and read to us and prayed with us and I remember bits and pieces of what he said and read, but what I remember most is the effect that his words, his use of the Word had, a relaxing of mind and body, a returned ability to think, to pray and to hope. I was reminded again of several things all at once, first just how important it is to have a bank of the Word stored in my own heart and head so that it can flow in these times when I am alone and how important it is for us to speak the Word to each other. My ears needed to hear the Word, Pastor Porath was here for me and for Mark, Pastors everywhere are here for that but we as Christians are here for each other too and it is the Word spoken and written and texted and emailed and facebooked to me that holds me tight through these days. When I stand in church it is not only the Word spoken by the Pastor that goes into my ears and soothes my aching heart but the Word spoken and sung by the believers who surround me.

Thank you my friends, my family, thank you for surrounding me with God's Word and His love in all that you have said and done since we started this road.