Facebook updates for Monday Dec. 20th

Today has been a day that on the whole has been better than the previous two, but has had it's own ups and downs, joys and fears.

7am John's hemoglobin has held at 14, the blood coming out has slowed significantly and is darker indicating that it is older and not fresh, his heart rate is beautiful as is his blood pressure, all good indicators that they were successful in stopping the bleed and yet I find myself unable to exhale fully. Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief.

Part of the morning before rounds was spent with a special nurse who is taking care of the 'wound vac' that is being used to heal John's surgical incision. It was a good conversation where we got to know her and she us. It is so nice to get to know these people that give themselves into caring for others and how they see this as more than a job, more than anything about helping the hurting and sharing themselves with their patients and the families.

11am I think this is no longer a roller coaster but more like a run through the jungle being held by King Kong wondering if my head will pop off before we get to the pretty scenery. So rounds have come and gone. It is distinctly uncomforting to be asked how you're doing, reply 'paranoid' and be answered with 'you have every right to be.' On the other hand I am trying very hard to be comforted with both their guarded optimism, and the surgeon telling me 'we don't often find things we can fix and this time we're glad we did.' I am left with one comfort - Kyrie Eleison.

11pm It is so easy to get lost in fear. I had a nice time out of the hospital with Charity and her mom and then a quiet evening with Mark and John. John's hemoglobin did finally drop to 9 and he is getting a unit of blood now but it's his first since 2am and the output is getting darker meaning that it is older blood so we are trying to get some rest and hoping tomorrow brings better news yet.

As has been on previous days friends shared encouragement and prayers as wells as Scriptures to focus our attention where true peace and comfort in crisis are found.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.