Around and Around We Go

Yesterday was errand day. One of them was a venture into the mall so that I could retrieve my latest idea on recipe storage from Barnes and Noble and while there John got to have his first, and second, carousel rides. He loved it, absolutely loved it and I am positive that we will be making stops at the mall on every errand day that we can figure time to into, and we will plan ahead :)

It is funny how life goes around, well maybe not funny. Yesterday was so good, John had energy and was funny and felt good and laughed and carried on even late on the way home when he was tired from a full day with no nap. A good day, yet when I was putting him to bed I was watching liquid and bubbles just pour out of his ostomy. Increased output is the first sign of rejection, I was paralyzed by this, just watching, finally I was able to break and read John his books, say prayers and empty the bag - the output for the day was really not up anymore than it ever is on Monday and Tuesday when he takes one of his antibiotics. Today things are just fine. Last night I could see the stuff pouring out of his ostomy as real as I could see Stargate on TV or anything in the house, like I could see the ostomy played like a film over the other things I was looking at. As I was falling asleep I kept repeating the Kyrie to myself. When John woke at 2am to go potty and then couldn't go back to sleep neither could I. Finally at 5:30a I went back in there for the umpteenth time, John signed 'drink' and I reached over to unplug his formula pump and he smiled, signed 'daddy' and grabbed his monkey. I picked up him and his stuff and took him in to Mark and laid him in Mark's arm and John was sound asleep within minutes and slept for hours. I told Mark that I think he is our security blanket, John and I both slept next to him and slept, where we couldn't find a way to fall asleep before.

I find myself thinking about life and how great it is with John doing so well and then just around the bend I am scared to death and then comforted by God's gift of a wonderful husband. Lord I believe, help though my unbelief, and thanks for the big guy in the other room, he's the greatest.